Mona's Mania
by LilyRoseBlack32
Summary: Did Mona really have a psychotic break and go on a murder spree just because she was afraid of losing a friend? Or did Hanna mean something more? A story that will begin pre-series and go throughout the series, shedding light on Mona's thoughts and motivations.
1. Chapter 1

She supposes that technically she's a lesbian, owing to the fact that she screwed enough guys over the summer that surely she would feel something besides apathy towards them if she weren't.

The first time had been earlier this year, in May, just before school let out for the summer. He was an unbelievably gorgeous senior and a lacrosse player, and they had been texting and flirting between classes nonstop for weeks.

She's pretty sure he didn't even recognize her as the nerdy little freshman that he once pelted with dodgeballs during gym class. He'd thrown them at her face, so hard that her glasses snapped and her nose bled.

She supposes he also didn't remember laughing as she slowly made her way to the nurse's office, blood and tears dripping all over her new white t-shirt and tripping over doorstops because she couldn't see a thing. That didn't matter, though. She was a different girl now. _Popular_.

Anyway, that fateful May night there was an end of year party at Cady Trenton's parents' lake house. Everyone who was anyone was going to be there. Mona spent hours agonizing over what outfit to wear, finally settling on a tight baby-blue mini-dress and matching lacy lingerie set. She straightened her hair to perfection and colored her lips red, red, red.

When she strutted in the lake house door in her 5-inch Louboutin heels, he almost choked on his drink. After about half an hour of drinking and dancing, he led her up to an empty bedroom to make out.

It wasn't too bad, at first. Then he started getting rougher, and everything just felt wrong. His hands weren't gentle like Hanna's when he pushed her onto the bed. He didn't have earrings that tickled her cheeks when he leaned in for another sloppy kiss and unhooked her bra. Nothing about him was soft or delicate. He didn't smell like vanilla, or taste like peppermint and eggnog.

When he shoved her dress up to her waist, she tried to stop him. She didn't want to be doing this with him anymore. She felt nauseous.

He laughed and called her a tease, calloused fingers slipping under her panties. She shut her eyes tight and willed herself not to cry. She was a popular girl now. This was what popular girls did.

When he finally rolled off of her and passed out, she got up shakily and crept into the bathroom, where she immediately threw up the salad she'd had for lunch.

Something warm and wet trickled down her thighs and spattered on the floor. It was blood.

She dry-heaved for a good five more minutes, then folded some toilet-paper and stuffed it in her panties to help stop the bleeding. The pain between her legs was almost unbearable. Scouring the cabinets, she found a bottle of Advil and shook out three tablets, wincing as they went down her tender throat.

Walking in her heels was impossible, so she tucked them under her arm and gingerly took the stairs one at a time. A few drunk lacrosse players playing beer pong gave her knowing smirks as she descended. _Slut_, she heard one snicker as she slammed the front door.

She found Hanna warming her hands by a fire outside. The empty bottles at her feet suggested she'd spent the night becoming well-acquainted with alcohol in its various forms.

The blonde squealed when she saw her, wrapping her in her arms and holding tight. Mona felt herself melt into Hanna's embrace, and tears of relief welled up in her eyes.

For the first time that night, she felt happy. Safe. Here, in Hanna's arms, she was home.

Hanna pulled back and wiggled her eyebrows. "_So_? How was it? Did you guys go all the way?"

Mona told her it had been the time of her life: perfect, just like the movies. She said that he'd told her he loved her, and that afterwards he'd kissed her softly and held her close. Hanna shook her head in amazement and a little bit of jealousy. Mona forced a smile as her best friend told her how lucky she was.

"Of course, he wasn't nearly as good as the Great Hanna Marin," she half-joked.

"No, of course not!" Hanna giggled, leaning forward and kissing her flirtatiously on the cheek. "How could he be?"

Mona smiled a real smile for the first time that night, and rested her head on Hanna's shoulder. Hanna took her perfectly-manicured hand in hers and squeezed it gently. Time seemed to stand still as they quietly gazed at the stars, the wind gently whipping their hair about.

For the hundredth time, Mona wondered if she should just tell Hanna how she really felt. That she hadn't been completely drunk that night. _Don't be a coward_, she thought. Hanna liked people that said what they felt.

Fingers trembling, she caressed Hanna's long, blonde hair with her free hand.

"Hanna, I-"

"Haaaanna! Hanna Bananaaaa!" Sean called, jogging towards them. Hanna immediately dropped Mona's hand and threw her arms around her boyfriend's neck, pulling him down for a long kiss.

"Where have you been?" she asked breathlessly, staring into his eyes the way Mona stared into hers.

"Got us some more drinks." Sean grinned, holding up two pale grey bottles of Vodka.

"Oh, you sure know the way to a girl's heart," Hanna teased, running her finger down his chest.

"Let's go to the lake," he breathed, tugging Hanna along the dirt trail towards the lake.

_Wish me luck_, Hanna mouthed over Sean's shoulder, giggling as he slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her in for another kiss.

Mona stared after them until they completely disappeared into the dark, until her eyes glazed over.

She'd thought that she would feel different after losing her virginity. Older. Happier. That she would finally be able to forget Hanna.

Instead, all she felt was empty. All she could think about was how she wished that Hanna had been her first time, instead of the stupid lacrosse player. But she already knew that Hanna didn't love her, and never would. Christmas Eve had been a fluke, and dreaming about the two of them together was only masochism.

_But, oh, it hurt so good_.

She noticed Sean's wallet lying on the ground. It must have fallen out of his pocket when he was kissing Hanna. She picked it up and flipped it open. Inside was his driver's license, a few dollar bills, a credit card, and a picture of Hanna at her last birthday party. She was radiant as always in a tight pink dress, and she was grinning at the camera like she'd been caught doing something mischievous. If Mona squinted, she could see herself in the corner, cataloguing all Hanna's presents to write thank-you cards and exchange any duplicates.

Sean didn't deserve Hanna. Where had he been when her dad left her? Or when her grandpa died? Where had he been when Naomi Thomas handed out birthday invitations to everyone in the class except for Hanna, Mona, Lucas, and the girl who ate gum off the underside of cafeteria tables?

In a burst of anger, she slipped the photo into her clutch and threw the wallet into the fire. She smirked as the flames engulfed the expensive leather binding.

_Oops_. It would really be a shame if he got pulled over for a DUI on the way home.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This chapter is a hard M, so consider yourself warned. I promise there's a point to it :)**

Mona shoots up in bed in a cold sweat. She takes a few breaths, tries to calm down. Dazedly, she wipes the tears from her face with the back of her hand. She's been dreaming about _that_ night again.

It was Christmas Eve at the Marins' house. Mona's parents had gone to Paris for the holiday, so she was spending the week with Hanna and her mom.

Darkness had descended, and snow swirled around outside, the wind occasionally lifting small piles into the air to patter at the windows. The moonlight sparkled on the snow in a beautiful and incandescent way.

They had decided they needed eggnog for the occasion, and now found themselves more than a little tipsy. Giggling uncontrollably, they tripped and stumbled their way to Hanna's room and collapsed on her bed.

They were midway through a loud, tone-deaf third chorus of Jingle Bells when Mona suggested a game of Truth or Dare. Hanna agreed immediately, because she always did.

They traded silly questions at first, and Mona had to call a nerdy boy in their class and pretend to ask him out as Spencer Hastings. They played a few more rounds, Mona's heart racing each time it was Hanna's turn to ask.

"Truth or dare?" Hanna asked, glass tilting dangerously in her hand.

"Dare." Mona didn't need time to consider it.

"Hmm…okay, I've got a good one!" Hanna lit up.

"Yes?" Mona asked, subtly licking her lips and hoping her hairspray was holding up.

Hanna leaned forward with a mischievous look on her face. "You have to…call Noel Kahn and offer him a blowjob."

"Why do all the dares have to be prank calls?" Mona whined. She had hoped that Drunk Hanna would be a little more…creative.

"Well, that's all I can think of! If you have a better one, why don't you go?" Hanna huffed.

"Okay. Truth or dare?" Mona asked, nervously biting her lip.

"Truth." Hanna said decisively.

Mona silently worked up her courage. "Have you ever kissed a girl?" she asked, studying Hanna's face for the smallest reaction.

"No." Hanna said, smiling goofily. "I came close this one time that Ali wanted to play Spin-The-Bottle when it was just us, Aria, Spencer, and Emily at her house, but Emily freaked out, so we didn't end up playing."

This was news to Mona. "Did you want to?" she asked without thinking, then mentally slapped herself. She didn't want to seem too eager.

"It's not your turn to ask." Hanna said coyly. She fixed Mona with an appraising look. "Have you?"

Mona's heart raced. What should she say? "No. But…I've wanted to, sometimes. Just to see what it's like." She added quickly.

Hanna was quiet for a minute. "Me, too," she said. "I bet it's really different with a girl."

"Yeah…" Mona didn't know what to say, but she was feeling self-conscious. "Truth or dare?" she asked, a little solemnly.

"Dare," said Hanna, swirling the creamy liquid around in the glass.

Mona pretended to think for a moment, then she just came out with it. "Kiss me," she said, twirling a strand of her long, dark hair around her finger.

Hanna looked taken aback for a moment, and Mona began to panic that she had freaked her out.

"What, are you _afraid_?" she challenged, an accusation she knew Hanna would never let pass.

"No!" Hanna huffed, sticking her chin up defiantly.

"Then prove it." Mona retorted, crossing her arms.

Hanna hesitated, considering, and then she set her glass on the bedside table, nearly spilling it again. Leaning forward, she rested one elbow on a fluffy pillow, threading her fingers through Mona's hair. Mona's heart stopped beating as Hanna's perfect lips touched hers, at the feeling of Hanna's cherry-red lip gloss mixing with hers. She tasted distinctly of eggnog and peppermint. One dangly earring draped across Mona's cheek, and the metal felt cool against her skin. Vaguely, she recognized Snow Patrol's _Chasing Cars_ beginning to play on Hanna's IPod.

_Please let this be real_, she wished desperately on the stars twinkling outside Hanna's window. The moon and the snow falling outside Hanna's giant window bathed the room in soft, white light.

Hanna deepened the kiss, wrapping her thighs around Mona's waist. Mona observed that Hanna's hands were trembling slightly- Hanna had always been a lightweight drinker, as much as she liked to pretend otherwise. Then she was cupping Mona's face with both hands and kissing her, and the strap on her pink Victoria's Secret top had slipped off her shoulder, and_ her breasts were pressed up against Mona's and Hanna wasn't wearing a bra_ and Mona forgot how to breathe.

Trembling, Mona flipped them over so that she was straddling Hanna. She trailed kisses down Hanna's neck as Hanna moaned and pulled her closer.

She slipped one hand under Hanna's tank top, soaking up the heat that was radiating from Hanna's body. Slowly, she took Hanna's mouth in hers again as she cupped her breast. Hanna gasped into her mouth as she gently rubbed the blonde's nipple, feeling her own panties become damp.

She pushed Hanna's shirt up, exposing both breasts to the cool air. Mona reverently ran her hands over Hanna's flat stomach, tracing circles up to her breasts. Then she leaned down and kissed her nipple, gently taking it in her mouth and tracing it with her tongue.

"Fuck!" Hanna moaned, fingers tangled in Mona's curls.

Closing her eyes, Mona decided to carve every look, every sound, and every feeling of this night into her memory.

Mona kissed her way down Hanna's stomach to her waistband. She slipped her fingers underneath and in between Hanna's legs, where, _fuck_, she was only wearing a thong and she was soaking wet.

This was better than every wet dream she'd ever had. Better than the time she masturbated for the first time after mentally fucking Britney Spears. How many times had she told herself it was never going to happen? She felt a hot throbbing between her own legs as she slid off Hanna's pajama pants and tiny thong, which was red and white striped like a candy cane.

Hanna laid her head back on her pillow, breathing heavily, as Mona spread the girl's legs apart, slowly kissing the inside of her thighs.

"Mona, you don't have to," she panted, a self-sacrificing, yet unconvincing look on her face.

Mona smiled mischievously as she looked up. "But I want to."

With that, she touched her lips softly to Hanna's clit, tongue circling it hesitantly. She drew it into her mouth, and Hanna bucked her hips upward with a moan. She trailed kisses downward to Hanna's vagina, where she touched her tongue to Hanna's entrance, savoring the taste of _Hanna_. She began to lap at Hanna's center with steady strokes, burying her face between Hanna's legs. Hanna's fingers were so tight in Mona's hair that it should have been painful, but Mona didn't even notice.

Lifting her head up, she smirked as Hanna gasped at the loss of contact. Mona reached up for another kiss, Hanna making a noise in the back of her throat as she tasted herself on Mona's lips.

"Mona…" Hanna breathed, hips bucking upward.

"Tell me what you want," Mona whispered in her ear, intertwining the fingers of her left hand with Hanna's.

"You already _know_," Hanna hissed, guiding Mona's hand to her entrance. Heart beating wildly, Mona slowly pushed one manicured finger inside her best friend. The blonde was so hot and slippery that Mona felt dizzy.

"God," Hanna moaned, "Please. More."

Mona pushed another finger inside. Slowly, she began thrusting. Hanna's eyes rolled back in her head. "Fuck, Mona…that feels…" she trailed off, biting her lip. "_Fuck_."

Hanna dug her nails into Mona's shoulder as she added a third finger, and then a fourth. She gave a final thrust, and Hanna screamed her name as she came all over her clean, pink bed sheets.

Panting, Mona rolled over and laid beside Hanna. For a few minutes, neither of them moved. Hanna looked perplexed, but completely blissed out.

"Wow." Hanna breathed.

Mona opened her mouth to agree, but the lingering taste of Hanna on her lips was so overwhelming that she just nodded dazedly.

Her eyelids started to feel heavy, so she grasped Hanna's hand and pulled her close. Hanna snuggled into her arms and laid her head on Mona's shoulder.

_She really loves me_, she thought, Hanna's warm, steady breathing tickling her neck as she drifted into a peaceful sleep.


End file.
